Ballyhoo #1: Beach House - Teen Dream

Dictionary: bal-ly-hoo

n., pl., -hoos.

1. Sensational or clamorous advertising or publicity.
2. Noisy shouting or uproar.

tr.v., -hooed, -hoo·ing, -hoos.

1. To advertise or publicize by sensational methods

Welcome to Ballyhoo! This is where we will take a future release (an album, movie, book etc.), gather up as much news as we can and rant and rave about how excited we are for it! Why is it called Ballyhoo? Because other words like hype, promotion and hoopla are boring. Well, maybe not hoopla but regardless, it's called Ballyhoo. Today I will tell you all about one of my favorite bands, Beach House, and how they have a new album coming out in January! Fasten your seat belts!



Formed in Baltimore, Maryland, Beach House is a two person band consisting of Victoria Legrand on vocals and organ, and Alex Scally on guitar and keyboards. Their music is very hard to categorize. Fuzzy Dream Pop Shoegaze is the best I can do. They released their first album which was self-titled on Carpark records in 2006. It was praised by many critics and was placed on many year-end lists. Their followup, Devotion, reached even greater acclaim and is one of my personal favorite albums (a 9.6/10 in case you were wondering). Since then, Victoria has done some guest vocals for Grizzly Bear on the songs "Two Weeks" and "Slow Life", and Alex has helped the band Papercuts with their latest album You Can Have What You Want.

The band's third album titled Teen Dream will be released on Sub Pop records January 26, 2010. Consisting of ten tracks (one of which, "Used To Be", was released as a single in 2008), both members have said that the new material will be a little more upbeat and more exciting than their previous two albums. Sub Pop claims that this is their "greatest work to date".

Teen Dream was recorded in an old church called Dreamland in upstate NY. It was produced by Chris Coady who has worked with TV on the Radio, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and many other bands. Sub Pop states that "the new album gives voice to a full universe of unbridled imagination, and the manifestation of Teen Dream has been a welcomed and all-consuming obsession for Beach House the past 9-12 months." A few of their older songs will be posted in our playlist to the right.



Teen Dream will be released on CD, and double LP and both will be packaged with a DVD containing videos for each song on the album. There is no album art released yet but it will be posted on here once it is. I encourage everyone to check them out if you get a chance and I assure you, if you like well-written songs that focus on perfect melodies and beautiful instrumentation, you wont be disappointed.

Teen Dream

1. Zebra
2. Silver Soul
3. Norway
4. Walk in the Park
5. Used to Be
6. Lover of Mine
7. Better Times
8. 10 Mile Stereo
9. Real Love
10. Take Care

THIS JUST IN

It has recently been discovered that the musical group Animal Collective is in fact a collective of humans. While this caused some controversy amongst the group's fans, scientists have confirmed that humans can safely be considered animals.

Michael's Time Travel Adventures Part 2: Super Mario Bros. 2

So I woke up today, and I was in the year 1988. What a crazy time in my life! I didn't even bother checking the calender because I was way more excited about something my parents bought me yesterday. THE NEW MARIO GAME!!!! Those guys at Nintendo are geniuses for making a sequel after the first Super Mario Bros., I hope they keep it up. So here it is, my review of the new Super Mario Bros. 2!!!!!


When: 1988

What: Super Mario Bros. 2 review

I got out of bed. I threw in my Rush cassette. Cranked up Tom Sawyer. Unplugged my Atari and plugged in my Nintendo. Blew some air into the cartridge. Loaded her up. Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.

Super Mario Bros. 2 is like an amazing, psychedelic dream, and the amazing psychedelic dream is like going to a circus on ludes. You start off by falling. That's right, you START OFF BY FALLING. From where? Damned if I know. You fall into a room that has a couple of bad guys which refuse to die when you jump on them. Instead, you just get CARRIED by them! That first jump on top of a baddy was when I realized just how different this game would be from the original. Once you figure out that you actually have to pick up one of them and throw him/her/it into THE OTHER bad guy, you move on down toward the bottom of the room, where moving right off screen takes you to the left of the screen, and vice versa in an infinite loop. This alone kept me occupied and entertained for about 20 minutes. When it was finally time to enter the big red door on the right, my real adventure began...

There are countless major differences between 1 and 2, the most important of which is that the player is not just restricted to Mario, but can choose between four characters: Mario, Luigi, Toad, and The Princess. All of the characters have different strengths and weaknesses (Toad is fast, Luigi jumps high, the Princess FLIES) and some are better for different levels than others. This is revolutionary, and the fact that picking a different character, while leaving everything else in the game the same, can change the whole experience literally makes the game 4x better than it would've been. To list all the differences between the original and the sequel would take forever, so I'll hit some of the highlights:

The ability to pick up objects AND enemies.
Magic potions that take you to a 'mirror-world' environment.
Mini-game between levels that plays like a slot-machine.
Health meter that extends after you are already big.
The ability to go back to a previous point in a level simply by walking towards the left of the screen (A...MAZING)

And so much more. The levels are so much more complex, allowing falls from great heights and travel (sometimes by rocket ship) high into the sky. The different terrains include clouds, caves, ice-worlds, deserts, and brick buildings. There are scores of new enemies, each completely unique and most of which provide challenges never before seen. The bosses range from cute new fighting styles to INCREDIBLY difficult, and as soon as you finish the game, you'll want to hit the reset button and start all over again.

There is a reason for the major differences though, and it is simply (and disappointingly) that the designers of Mario 1 did not design Mario 2. In fact, no one who even wanted to make a Mario sequel designed it.

The game is a redesign of the Japanes title Yume Kojo: Doki Doki Panic. I like to think I know what that means, but I don't. Despite the fact that the game is not totally original, we should not judge it differently, because gameplay is gameplay, and in a sense the elements of the game are original to mario and his friends. Right?

To sum up, GO OUT AND BUY SUPER MARIO BROS. 2!!!!! My official score is halfway between Heavy and Radical, and I'll probably never stop playing it. Ever.

Next time on Michael's Time Travel Adventures!!: A gadget review/interview in the year 2033 of/with the first A.I. robot with a mental handicap. Bring your tissues.

Jonathan's Scoring System: DSS

For those who read my No More Stories… review, you may have noticed a strange scoring system in place. It’s a new system I developed called The Decimalsaur Scoring System, or DSS. It’s actually a very simple system: I have merely replaced all whole numbers with various dinosaur species, while keeping numerical decimals for further score accuracy. Ten dinosaurs correspond to the numbers one through ten, based on the dinosaur’s average estimated weight, as found on its Wikipedia page. These dinosaurs and corresponding numbers are as follows:

1 – Anchiornis
2 – Eoraptor
3 – Velociraptor
4 - Stegosaurus
5 - Iguanodon
6 – Edmontosaurus
7 – Ankylosaurus
8 – Tyrannosaurus Rex
9 – Triceratops
10 – Brachiosaurus

So for example, my score for No More Stories… was a Triceratops.1 in DDS, which would be a 9.1 when converted to the average Pure Numerical Scoring System (PNSS). Obviously, this system has no benefits and is actually far inferior to pretty much any PNSS, but it’s my review and I’ll score it as nonsensically as I want! IRREGARDLESS!

Mew - No More Stories/Are Told Today/I’m Sorry/They Washed Away/No More Stories/The World Is Grey/I’m Tired/Let’s Wash Away

“Through all this, we decipher. And what’s worse: we’re no wiser.”

It’s strange, five months ago I had no idea who Mew were, and now here I am, reviewing their new album, which is (SPOILERS!) one of my favorites this year. Life, huh?

Hailing from Denmark, they’ve apparently been pretty famous over there since their 2003 release, Frengers (a portmanteau of the words friend and stranger), and started getting global attention after their 2005 album And the Glass Handed Kites (thanks Wikipedia!). Yes, both those albums have ridiculous names and even more ridiculous album art, but they’re also both great. And Mew’s newest album, No More Stories/Are Told Today/I’m Sorry/They Washed Away/No More Stories/The World Is Grey/I’m Tired/Let’s Wash Away (which will be shorted to No More Stories… for the rest of this review because ridiculous) follows in suite: crazy long title, seemingly illogical artwork, and a fantastic album.

For those unfamiliar with Mew, which I assume is almost all of you, they’ve made a successful career out of combining catchy pop sensibilities with keyboard-heavy progressive tendencies. This combination could have easily gone awry, but in Mew’s hands it works wonderfully. No More Stories… takes the catchy accessibility of Frengers and combines it with the epic, over the top attitude of And the Glass Handed Kites to create a perfect blend of what the band does best. From the heavily backmasked opener “New Terrain”, to the sad, synth-powered closer “Reprise”, you’ll find there are just as many hummable melodies as there are bombastic climaxes.

No More Stories… is split into three parts by two Intermezzos, as they’re called here (interesting note: while they’re called Intermezzo 1 and 2 in most tracklists, these names do not appear anywhere on the packaging. Instead, the titles of these songs are replaced by recolored versions of the face/butterfly on the album cover. So I guess the official titles are pictures?). The first part consists of four songs, and is absolutely fantastic. “New Terrain”, which uses heavy backmasking on pretty much everything, and is actually a completely different song when played backwards, fades into what might be the best song on the album, “Introducing Palace Players”. After a glitchy, sporadic intro it segues into a strange-but-catchy guitar riff that carries through most of the song, holding it down through the dreamy keyboard and vocals, and then goes out in a quick but effective bang. The next two songs, “Beach” and “Repeaterbeater”, are easily the shortest and most straightforward songs Mew has written since Frengers. Fortunately, straightforward doesn’t mean boring, as Mew is able to pack a lot of musical ideas into these five minutes, especially in “Repeaterbeater”.

After the quick “Intermezzo 1”, No More Stories… slows it down a bit with the simple, dreamy ballad “Silas the Magic Car”, then brings out its epic centerpiece, “Cartoons and Macramé Wounds”, which starts big, gets small, then gets huge, ending in the biggest climax on the album. After the short “Hawaii Dream” (whose lyrics are the album’s title) and “Hawaii”, a marimba-tinged highlight, the albums hits its lowest point. Not to say that “Vaccine” and “Tricks of the Trade” are bad songs by any means, I actually really like the second half of “Tricks of the Trade”, they simply don’t quite hold up to the rest of the album.

That said, the album finishes on a high note. “Sometimes Life Isn’t Easy” includes a song structure that goes from huge to minimal, a blistering sax solo, and one of the catchiest, happiest sounding choruses the band has written. The album closes with the slow, sad reprise of “Silas the Magic Car”, “Reprise”. While pretty much all the lyrics on this album are about various kinds of relationships (all of them troubled), the lyrics of “Reprise” seem to be the laments of a man who regrets not doing more with his life. It’s a little depressing, but fits nicely as the closer, as if to say, “Life can be hard sometimes, but make sure you don’t waste it”.

No More Stories… is a terrific accomplishment for Mew, as it acts as an almost perfect blend of everything Mew has to offer. If you’re an old fan, this album is sure to please you. And if you’re new to Mew, I suggest checking them out. As the old saying goes, “Sometimes you have to go to Denmark to find what you love”. Probably.

Triceratops.1

Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson - Summer of Fear

"Scene One: Angeline walks on. She's got a handful of lives. She's rollin' the dice."

Do you ever listen to a song or an album from a different decade and wish that you had been around then? When times were simple and people were different (or at least we'd like to think they were). When music was changing the world and everything seemed new. Maybe I'm describing a place that never existed but I can dream can't I?

In 2006, Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson recorded a demo with the help of TV on the Radio's Kyp Malone and Grizzly Bear's Chris Taylor and Chris Bear. Meant for friends and family only, the burned CD-R got into the hands of a few more people than expected. This demo turned out to be his first album which was self-titled. About a year later during the winter of 2007, Miles and all of the same people worked on his followup which was a recount of the previous and terrible summer that Miles experienced (more on that later). Finally, last week on October 20, 2009 the album saw the light of day.

Aptly titled Summer of Fear, the album is an anthem to classic rock. With mostly upbeat and catchy songs, it could fit in perfectly during the summers of the '70s. It's apparent very early on though, that beneath the disguise of these happy sounding songs there's a dark undercurrent. In both his lyrics and tone, there's something more, something scary. There were a lot of drunken nights, bar fights and heartbreak that summer. All of which, Miles has been very vocal about in interviews. This is all reflected upon in Summer of Fear, with lyrics about alcohol, drugs, and a girl by the name Angeline, we can almost feel the pain inflicted upon him while he was writing these songs.

Album opener "Shake A Shot" uses an electric piano, slide guitar and a shaker as the background to Miles' questioning. "After all the suffering and shame / They want to know is it worth it?" The abrupt answer is, probably not. A simple but effective first track which sets the tone for what's to follow. "The Sound" is the best song on the first half of the album, consisting of the same electric piano part for most of the running time. It's catchy as hell though, trust me. A powerful chorus with yelping guest vocals from Kyp Malone tops it off. The only other highlight here is "Hard Row" a slower track that has some beautiful slide guitar throughout. The first couple of tracks sound a little too similar at first, it just takes a few listens to get into them. The first half of the album is a little slow moving, not to say that's a bad thing. It gets you prepared for the one two punch that is the second half.

"Summer of Fear Part One" starts in one place and ends somewhere completely different. It's a slow-building track that will send a few chills down your back. It's a perfect prelude to "Death By Dust" which is arguably the best song on the album. The title perfectly describes this dusty track that would fit right in your fathers old record collection. The chorus channels Fleetwood Mac with it's harmonized "Songs that you had sung" which always puts a smile on my face when I hear it. Throw in a grungy guitar solo and a soaring string part and you have one of the greatest songs of 2009 (or 1979). "Summer of Fear Part Two" brings us back down to a slow thumping floor tom and some catchy whistling. Followed by the decent "Losing For Winners", Miles really knows how to play with our emotions.

The last two songs make up the amazing ending. "More Than A Mess" is the other best track of the album. A sprawling eleven minute masterpiece that grows and grows while Miles describes scenes of a relationship. At certain points he stops singing altogether and rambles out the story in the form of a play or movie script. He uses a wide variety of instruments and sounds that rely on the same chord progression and focuses mainly on the lyrics which really shine here. This eventually turns into "Boat" and it's slow, slamming drums and beautiful guitar riffs. It's hard to decipher what Miles is singing but it doesn't really matter because after the pain and heartbreak that occupied the previous twelve tracks and that fateful summer, it's nice to just let go and feel hope for something better.

Summer of Fear will impress people who are into a lot of different genres of music. It's refreshing to hear someone who is a legitimate songwriter, someone who focuses on everything as a whole. Someone who doesn't sacrifice one thing for another and who will write a song for what it is, simply something to listen to. Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson is writing music just to write it, to express what he's feeling, not to make it big and pick up the next paycheck. Summer of Fear is the stage for Miles' story. No, we don't know who Angeline is and we don't know exactly what happened that summer, but through his music we feel like we somehow do. His songs act as a script to the story. Whether it's the questions he's having trouble answering in "Shake A Shot", the literal stage directions described in "More Than A Mess" or the ending of "Boat" which wraps the album up nicely as an organ and fluttering guitar parts fade to black.

8.8/10

Michael's Dream Last Night Part 1: The Robin Williams Scares Me Dream

So this is the first 'Dreams' post, where the writers for this site tell of their fascinating dreams from the night before. I'm proud to be kicking off the tradition with my latest dream, which I have titled 'The Robin Williams Scares Me Dream'.



Me and a friend of mine were at a bowling alley, planning on celebrating a birthday. We bought some beer at the bar, which instead of coming in individual bottles or glasses, came in twelve-packs. Then we were 'dream-transported' (you know, the way the setting of the dream will drastically change without you really noticing) to a grocery store, where we were to pay for the beer at the register. My friend had to leave for a moment, and while he was gone I got distracted in my thoughts. When my friend returned, he had 'dream-transformed' (you know, the way people in your dream change into other people, but they were the same 'person' that was there the whole time , without you noticing) into my girlfriend. When I came back to my senses, we both realized the beer had been stolen. Needless to say, we both started sobbing uncontrollably. We were 'dream-transported' to a very dark version of our apartment, where I looked out the window to see Robin Williams entering the building across the street. I was sure that it was Robin Williams who had stolen the beer. And it was time to get it back and kick his ass. So I walked over to Robin Williams' scary warehouse apartment, which was really more like an underground parking complex, after 'dream-transforming' into the little boy who played Anakin Skywalker in Episode I, and knocked on the door. I told him some lie to be able to get in, and inside I saw the beer. Now I was sitting on a table, naked, and had 'dream-transformed' into Macaulay Culkin. Robin Williams was standing in between me and the beer, telling me about his political conspiracy theories, dead serious and terrifying as hell. He started shouting, and I was certain that he figured out I was here for the beer, but he was also convinced that I was sent by the government to steal it from him. The End.

I don't remember what woke me up, but Bale-bless it.

Transformers 2

Okay, like I know it came out a GAZILLION years ago, but srsly, can we talk about this masterpiece PLZ?!

First off, let me say that Michael Bay is God. He should direct EVERY movie EVER!!! Like, if he could build a time machine (which he totally could because he's so rich and handsome...) he could go back in time and like direct these so-called "classics" like The Godfather (snooze), Casablanca (snore) and There Will Be Blood (could Daniel Gay-Lewis' moustache BE any more retarded?) these movies need more explosions and Megan Fox! That's what the people want!!! OMG. This sounds like a GREAT idea for a script! I am totally going to write a draft on my iPhone and txt it to Michael or Shia!!!

Okay, let's get to Transformers! My only complaint is it's WAY TOO SHORT!!! It seemed shorter than an episode of The Hills! OMG can you BELIEVE Heidi and Spencer this season?! I was like NO WAY!!!

Anywho, besides that small problem, this movie is PURFECT! (meow) I just rly felt a connection to every single character. Like, I feel like Megan, Shia, John Turturro and I could go out and get Slushies or something! And those two African American Transformers were HI-STAIR-I-CAL!!! They should both get an Oscar or better yet and MTV VIDEO AWARD! AHHH!!!

And do you remember that fight at the end?!?!?! There was an explosion and I was like WOAH!!! And all my friends were like AH!!! And I spilled popcorn butter ALL OVER MY NEW SWEATER!!! I didn't care though, because between the great acting, genius script and giant Transformer balls I was LOLZing ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

I've seen it FOUR times in theaters! And if you haven't seen it yet, you are the biggest doofus face on planet Cybertron! BUT NO WORRIES DUMB-DUMB!!! It just came out on DVD last tuesday so you can watch it EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! LIKE ME!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHEXPLOSIONSHHHHHHHHHHHHHDESPERATEHOUSEWIVESHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10/10!!!

Ha! JK! This movie is garbage.

2/10

Jonathan Builds Something Out Of LEGOs Vol. 1: Badass Flying Tankmobile

First off, an introduction. This is a series where I, Jonathan, will build something out of LEGOs, then present it to you guys with helpful diagrams to help you all understand my artistic genius. Obviously the diagrams are necessary because as you can see by this first sculpture (which is how I will refer to these creations), each one of my works will be a complex masterpiece worthy of great praise and appreciation. Let's begin!

Vol.1: Badass Flying Tankmobile

A) Perhaps the most technologically advanced machine on this vehicle, this sun visor uses advanced shade technology to both shield the driver from deadly UV rays, and keep the sun out of his (or her, but probably him because look at this thing) eyes.

B) These spare tires guarantee that no matter what, you'll always have something to drive on. The ones on the wings are also machine guns.

C) These four lazer guns are powered by your enemies' fear.

D)This hidden spy camera allows the driver to the see anything directly in front of him, ensuring no one will ever sneak up on him. It shoots lazers too.

E) This driving shield is made of glasstanium, allowing it to stop rain, snow, dust, and deadly lazers.



F) This T. Rex launch bay is used to launch T. Rexes at enemies trailing you. The T. Rexes can reach speeds of almost 200 miles an hour, making them 3.7x more deadly.

G) Serves three purposes: 1) Acts as a launching ramp for the T. Rexes. 2) Helps to steer the vehicle like a rudder when it's flying. 3) Makes it look awesome.

H) A turbo booster that can quadruple the speed of the vehicle for five minutes, but can only be used once per day (those are the rules of the hex that powers it). It's also a trailer hitch.

I) All terrain wheels allow for driving over any surface, even completely frictionless ones. The raised rear axle helps to increase the badass factor by 20%.

J) Wings. Bitchin'.

And this concludes the first volume of Jonathan Builds Something Out Of LEGOs. I hope you've enjoyed my sculpture (that was a rhetorical statement, you're obviously in tears right now from it's beauty), and I hope you're looking forward to the next issue (again, rhetorical)!

Michael's Time Travel Adventures! Part 1: Sandra Blažić

This is the first installment of Michael's Time Travel Adventures! and as long as I'm in the present, I'll explain how this series is going to work. You see, I have what my doctor described as 'Acute Slaughter House 5 Syndrome', which sucks because it means I skip through time, experiencing different moments of my life out of the normal order, much like the main character in Slaughterhouse 5, by Kurt Vonnegut. It has also been called 'Time Traveler's Wife' syndrome, but that name didn't ever stick, because really, who cares about the time traveler's wife, right? It's the TIME TRAVELER we're interested in.

Anyways, one plus side to this disorder is that when I have my various time travel experiences, I can record the events in the form of movie reviews, game reviews, music reviews, gadget reviews, and interviews with famous celebrities, both live and dead! The crazy part is that my computer comes with me on my adventures, so that I may type these things and electronic-mail them to Kyle for this crazy site. Weird, right? So here is my first article.


When: April 18, 2029

What: Interview

Who: Sandra Blažić (Widow of the late Christian Bale)

Me: Thank you for meeting me today Miss Blazic, I know how many journalists have been trying to talk to you, given the recent tragedy, and I appreciate you choosing to tell your side of the story to Werewolf Bar Mitzvah first.

Blažić: Well thank you, and it’s pronounced Blažić, but you can call me Sandra. I couldn’t have gone to anyone else. I simply don’t trust the media anymore, but Werewolf Bar Mitzvah’s reputation for the last fifteen years has been incredible, I knew it had to be you.

Me: My first question would have to be simply: Why?

Blažić: (sigh) You journalists don’t tiptoe around, do you? (she wipes a tear from her eye) Well, to sum it up in one word, it was the fame. One person was simply not meant to be that famous. The letters, the calls, the telepathy mail, it was constant. It was just too much. People don’t realize how lonely it can be to have everyone in the world know your name, to have everyone watch your every move. On the outside he was a star, but on the inside…it was just too much pressure, he couldn’t allow it to go on.

Me: When you say it, are you referring to the recent religious movement, Baleism?

Blažić: Of course. Christian was not a savior, he was not any sort of messiah. Maybe he was a hero to thousands of people but really he was just an actor and just a man. I truly believe he…he did what he did to put a stop to the cult nonsense. But if he could’ve known how much the group was going to grow because of his death, he never would have.

Me: You say he was just an actor, but he truly was a hero to thousands, really millions of people. When the robot armies rebelled and gained control, he was the only one who knew what it would take to stop them.

Blažić: He played a significant role in the war, of course, but most of that was exaggerated by the press. He wasn’t a soldier or a scientist, just a man who was taught how to survive anything.

Me: Now, I know that most people in Hollywood 2 would say that his career really began with the success of the fifth installment of the Terminator films. But I believe there was another gem much earlier in his career which made it all possible.

Blažić: You’re talking about Newsies? Well, at the time I’m sure no one thought it would amount to much, and it took decades for it to really become the cult classic it became. But you’re right, without being asked to reprise his role as Jack Kelly in Newsies 2, he may not have ever gotten beyond mere Batman fame. (laughs) Really, it all seems so silly now, but I’m sure every actor felt that way about their work, before the change-over. Batman Begins and Dark Knight were really more for the kids.

Me: Yes, tell me about the change in Hollywood that eliminated every other actor and instead cast Christian in every role in every movie. How did that affect him?

Blažić: Well, he thought it was silly, and so did I. I mean he was flattered, of course, and many still say he deserved it, but I don’t see why every other actor deserved to be out of work those three and a half years. For Christian it wasn’t that hard, most of it was done with supercomputer hyperdigital effects. But still, he was glad things went back to the way they were after California sank into the ocean and Hollywood 2 was built.

Me: Well Sandra, that’s all we have room for today. Thank you so much for your time.

Blažić: Thank you, Michael, and thank you Werewolf Bar Mitzvah!

Well that’s it for now. Next time on Michael’s Time Travel Adventures!: March 9, 1977 interview with Roman Polanski. Should be a doozy! Goodnight, and Bale-bless us all.