Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Top Thirty Zombie/Virus Movies

With the remake of The Crazies hitting theaters this weekend, I figured I would tackle my personal favorite movies dealing with zombies or infection.

I planned on having it be a top ten list but I kept remembering more and more great films so it expanded to thirty.

These movies do not include possession, just people coming back from the dead or being infected by a batshit disease so don't expect Evil Dead or anything along those lines.

WARNING: I am going to try and find the bloodiest pictures I can so if you can't handle it then you shouldn't even be on this site in the first place.

30. Resident Evil



The main reason I included this is because of the awesome scene in that tunnel/hallway where everybody gets cut into like a thousand pieces. It's not incredible by any means, but that's why it's at thirty and not one.

P.S. If I can't find any bloody pictures I'll just put up sexy ones instead.

29. Fido



A humorous little film about a boy who keeps a zombie as a pet...then it eats a neighbor. It's surprisingly heartwarming.

28. [REC]



A claustrophobic spanish horror film about a news reporter who is trapped in an apartment complex with infected tenants. Sound familiar? That's because they remade it and named it Quarantine. Check out the original it's a lot scarier. Unless you're illiterate or are too lazy to read subtitles.

P.P.S. I found a picture that's both gory AND sexy!

27. Night of the Living Dead (1990)



Most remakes suck, but you can't really go wrong with a zombie remake. Especially if it's directed by the great Tom Savini who is the master of horror makeup and special effects.

26. Dead and Breakfast



It's a horror film! It's a comedy!! It's a musical!!! It's pretty low budget, but worth checking out if you're a fan of the genre or like Kung Fu's David Carradine (who doesn't*?).

*didn't (Too soon?)

25. Land of the Dead



Say what you will about this movie, the fact is George A. Romero is still making good zombie films well into his 70's. Although it's flawed and wasn't worth the 20 year wait for him to return to the genre, I can think of a lot worse horror films than this.

24. Pet Cemetery



AHH!

23. Dawn of the Dead (2004)



In 2071, almost 60 years after we all die (it has to be true, John Cusack and Danny Glover said so!), the first batch of new and improved humans (equipped with two ring fingers on each hand) will find a copy of the Dawn of the Dead remake. They will watch it (with their second brain) and they will learn something more important than any historical document could ever tell them. Ving Rhames is a fucking badass. If anything can represent our civilization please let it be that fact.

22. Doomsday



A deadly virus breaks out in Scotland so everyone is quarantined and left to die. Many years later there are two groups of survivors left which means they are immune. A smokin' chick with one eye has to go in and find the cure and fight off medieval knights and 80's punks. It's incredibly underrated.

21. 28 Days Later



A haunting film about the beginning of a virus outbreak in England. Beautifully shot, acted and scored (thanks to Godspeed You Black Emperor).

20. The Serpent and the Rainbow



Bill Pullman (or was it Bill Paxton? I get those two mixed up all the time) is an ethnobotanisthropologistdoctor who is sent to the Amazon jungle to find out more about a drug that supposedly brings people back to life. It scared the shit out of me. I looked, it was Bill Pullman.

19. The Crazies (1973)



A biological military weapon is accidentally released in a small town causing it's occupants to go CRAZY (wink). It's very controversial for a 70's movie with quite a bit of gore, a dash of incest and a pinch of CRAZY-ness.

P.P.P.S. For some reason, the only picture I could find that would work is of these two goofy guys. Sorry!

18. 28 Weeks Later



Yeah that's right. I thought the sequel was better. Sue me*.

*in Monopoly dollars (Gotchya!)

17. Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI



This is the part where Jason comes back to life and becomes an unstoppable force of badass. It's the funniest entry of the series and is one of the most enjoyable to watch.

16. Shivers



One of the first films by the great David Cronenberg. Big slugs make their way into peoples bodies, infecting them with a disease that makes them extremely violent and sexually aroused. Fun for the whole family!

15. Dead Alive



Before Peter Jackson was making movies about dancing hobbits, he made hilarious horror films. Dead Alive aka Braindead is about people in a New Zealand town who turn to zombies after being bitten by a Rat-Monkey. It's ridiculous and it's the bloodiest movie I've ever seen.

14. Carriers



This little film went unnoticed last year. It's about four people driving cross country and trying to avoid becoming victims of a terrible disease. It focuses more on the characters than gore or terror and it's beautifully shot. Warning, it's a bit of a downer.

13. Plan 9 From Outer Space



You should have heard about this movie by now. It's heavily regarded as the worst movie of all time. Here's a quick plot recap if you don't know. Aliens turn dead humans into zombies (and vampires?) to cause chaos so Earth's scientists don't create a bomb that will destroy the universe. It's not bad in the sense that Transformers 2 was bad, it's so low budget and cheesy that it's hilarious.

12. Zombi 2



The original Dawn of the Dead was named Zombi in Italy. This isn't a direct sequel at all, they just named it Zombi 2 so it would sell. It's a great movie though, with really creative death and gore. AND A ZOMBIE FIGHTS A FUCKING SHARK.

11. Zombieland



Considering this is the most recent film on the list, I'm assuming a lot of you saw it already. Someone was smart enough to say "Let's just make a hilarious movie about people trying to survive the zombie apocalypse...and let's throw in Woody Harrelson playing a banjo". Whoever that person was, is a god damn genius. Not to mention (SPOILER ALERT) Bill Fucking Murray.

10. Slither



An underrated horror comedy from 2006. It's got a little bit of everything. Alien slugs, zombies, lot's of blood, one-liners and Nathan Fillion. Oh, and it's romanctic too. Check it out if you haven't already.

9. Cabin Fever



I know a lot of people dislike this movie. After many viewings I still can't see why. It's a great homage to older horror films. It's funny, disgusting and it has Shawn from Boy Meets World. If anything has ANYONE from Boy Meets World in it, it's great in my book.

8. Return of the Living Dead



This is basically the unofficial sequel to Night of the Living Dead. It was made by the guy who co-wrote Night of the Living Dead with George A. Romero, some guy that no one really remembers. The funny thing is, it's really great. It's so incredibly 80's that I can't even fathom or explain how 80's it is. It has so many memorable parts and cheesy dialogue. It's one of the reasons people like zombie movies so much in the first place. The idea of people coming back from the dead is ridiculous so that's what this movie is, ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome.

7. Day of the Dead



This film had many issues with it. The budget was basically cut in half so they couldn't film some of the key scenes, including one of an epic zombie vs. human fight. It's sort of a slow movie too. So why did I put it up so high? Two reasons. One, the effects and gore are really impressive for it being an 80's film. Two, Bub. Who is Bub? Only one of the greatest characters in the history of ever. Just watch it. If you have already, you'll know what I mean.

6. Planet Terror



Coupled with Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, this was the first film in the double feature Grindhouse. Made by Robert Rodriguez, the man behind the El Mariachi trilogy and Sin City, Planet Terror is about a zombie outbreak that happens because of some chemical created by the government that has to do with Osama Bin Laden. The plot is out there, well the whole film is out there. It's just a lot of fun. People don't like zombie movies for a good plot anyways. It's full of one-liners, cameos and blood and that's all you really need.

5. Re-Animator



God bless the 80's. Based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft, Re-Animator is about the great Herbert West. A "doctor" who experiments with bringing people back to life. Hilarity and many other things ensue, including a zombie cat and a certain famous "sex" scene between a zombie and human.

4. Night of the Creeps



After years of petitions and message boards, this 1986 film finally got released on DVD in October. I'm sure you could have caught it at 2 in the morning every now and then. It has a huge cult following and for a good reason, this is a movie made by horror fans for horror fans. The makers knew what it was, a B-movie and they embraced that fact. It has everything you could want. From the 50's opening at lovers lane where a meteor crashes to earth, an escaped psychopath with an axe, alien slugs, 80's music, zombies, cryogenic freezing, Tom Atkins and a hot chick with a flamethrower. Convinced yet?

3. Shaun of the Dead



One of the greatest horror comedies or zomedy if you will. Created by Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, who I'm sure have seen every film imaginable and aren't afraid to admit it. Packed with movie references, hilarious dialogue and countless other things, this is a movie that would even please people that don't like the genre. So go fucking watch it already!

2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)



This classic basically started the zombie genre. Although it isn't scary now, it was terrifying back then. People hadn't seen anything like it. It was subversive and even controversial. I'm sure modern audiences would find it boring but you have to respect it for what it is and it's a damn good movie.

1. Dawn of the Dead (1978)



A group of survivors take shelter in a shopping mall during the zombie apocalypse. It sparked the movement of 80's slasher films considering this was the goriest movie of it's time. It's one of the only horror films that received all positive reviews during it's release. It isn't just a mindless horror movie, it has a deeper message about consumerism which was extremely significant at the time. Everything like the amazing effects by Tom Savini, the acting, the score by Italian glam rock band Goblin and the writing and directing of George A. Romero is spot on. This is not only the greatest zombie film but it's arguably the greatest horror film of all time.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ballyhoo #3: Joanna Newsom - Have One On Me



Disc 1

1. Easy
2. Have One On Me
3. '81
4. Good Intentions Paving Company
5. No Provenance
6. Baby Birch

Disc 2

1. On A Good Day
2. You And Me, Bess
3. In California
4. Jackrabbits
5. Go Long
6. Occident

Disc 3

1. Soft As Chalk
2. Esme
3. Autumn
4. Ribbon Bows
5. Kingfisher
6. Does Not Suffice

Only two more weeks...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Top Ten Beards In Horror Films



The greatest top ten list in the history of the interwebs. I really wish this was my list but alas it is not.

WIthout further adieu, the top ten beards in horror films via dreadcentral.com

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS OR ARE PREGNANT, I ADVISE YOU TO NOT LOOK AT PICTURES OF THESE AMAZING BUT BEASTLY BEARDS.

http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/35077/top-ten-greatest-beards-horror-history

Monday, February 1, 2010

THIS JUST IN



78-year-old actor Rip Torn got completely wasted and broke into a bank with a loaded revolver late Friday night. He failed at the robbery but succeeded in making me giggle all over the place.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Ballyhoo #2: 2010 Albums

Welcome back everyone (nobody) that reads this! It's 2010! Get your Hover Cars and Time Machines ready! 2009 was a pretty great year for music, let's see if 2010 can do any better.

I'm going to post the ten albums that I'm most excited for this year. It's already a few weeks in and I've already heard a few albums so I'll mention the great ones right now.

Beach House - Teen Dream
Owen Pallett - Heartland
Surfer Blood - Astro Coast
Vampire Weekend - Contra
Spoon - Transference
Delphic - Acolyte
Yeasayer - Odd Blood

If you haven't heard these yet, I recommend every single one.

Okay, here are the top albums (in order of excitement level) I can't wait to hear.

10. MGMT - Congratulations



I've been a huge fan ever since I saw them open for of Montreal 5 years ago. I feel like they can expand their sound much more and am extremely anxious to hear what they have planned next.

9. of Montreal - False Priest



I've been a huge fan ever since I saw them close for MGMT 5 years ago. I don't think they can expand their sound much more but they haven't put out a mediocre album yet!

8. The Morning Benders - Big Echo



I'd be willing to bet that this band becomes pretty big in the independent community this year. Their first album, though flawed, was a very impressive debut and their sophomore is going to be produced by Grizzly Bear's Chris Taylor who is the shit.

7. Band of Horses - Night Rainbow



It's been awhile since we've heard from these guys so I'm expecting something great. Also, it has a pretty title.

6. Panda Bear - TBA



2009 was the year of Animal Collective. At least for me. They put out a great album and an even greater EP and I got the chance to see them in September and they blew me away. One of the main members is Noah Lennox aka Panda Bear. Lennox's album Person Pitch was fantastic and judging on the live songs I've heard, his new one is going to be incredible.

5. Interpol - TBA



Their first two albums are almost perfect and their third was pretty bad, but they say they are going back to their roots and it's going to sound more like their first so I'll put my faith and trust in them.

4. The National - TBA



Their albums progressively get better. Their last, Boxer, is one of my favorites of all time. If the pattern keeps up, my head is going to explode.

3. Arcade Fire - TBA



I don't need to say much here. If you know who Arcade Fire is, then I'm sure you're just as excited as I am. Not to mention Owen Pallett (who does the string arrangements) says it's one of the best albums he's heard.

2. Fleet Foxes - TBA



I love sophomore albums. I feel like if a debut is incredible and they have more time, money and experience, then their next can be even better. I can't even begin to fathom that, considering the awesomeness that is Fleet Foxes.

1. Joanna Newsom - Have One On Me



I know people will disagree with me. Hell, some people can't even listen to Joanna Newsom without cringing or turning it off. She's definitely an acquired taste. But her first album, The Milk Eyed Mender is my favorite album of the last decade. Her second, Ys was flawed but it produced the song Emily which is definitely one of my favorite songs in existence. This is the most excited I've been since Radiohead announced In Rainbows.

I'll do a few followups with release dates, album titles and album covers. And I'll do one big one after I've heard all of them. Feel free to post the albums you're most excited for.

Friday, January 15, 2010

THIS JUST IN



Chevy Chase + Conan O'Brien's hair = My life is complete.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

THIS JUST IN



Lo-Fi Garage Punk musician Jay Reatard passed away in his sleep last night. I didn't really like his music or know much about him, but it's the right thing to talk about it and share this news.

The only unfortunate thing is that I'm positive the news of him pissing all over his band mates during a live show will overshadow the news of his passing.

R.I.P. you crazy bastard...